Does Having a Messy Home Make You a Better Mum?

I have seen a lot of posts recently about how ‘fake’ some people are on their social media accounts, particularly Instagram. The general consensus being that if people see your *insert perfectly tidy / decorated home / homemade baking or gifts / beautifully coiffed hair / beautifully styled children / amazing abs / all of the above* that you can make people feel bad and that shouldn’t happen because, it isn’t your real life.

While I do agree that some things may be staged to give off some kind of image or sell a certain thing, not everything or everyone is!

We all have our strengths and weaknesses and I get it, at times when we’re having a bad day, you don’t think its fair for someone else to be baking bread from scratch when I’ve barely taken a shower that day. I guess we all just want to know that we’re not alone and that other women and parents don’t have everything all together either. The thing is though, because we all have strengths and weaknesses, some more evident through photos than others, there’s always going to be someone who does something better than we do.

Shock horror.

homememeSome people really do have a home as beautiful and tidy as it is on Instagram. I for one, though I wouldn’t describe my home as beautiful, am really OCD and like things to be clean and tidy ALL the time. So if you see a picture of my home and think that I’ve just staged it, ask anyone that has been to my home – it definitely hasn’t been. A messy home kind of stresses me out. Of course we still let the kids play and get toys out, but we just tidy things up through the day. Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I’m less ‘real’ or my ‘poor kid’s don’t play properly. Does having a tidy house make me less interesting or even, a worse mother? Should a messy house mean happy kids? I’m pretty sure I have happy kids…imagesNHSA4SJ6

Some people really are that good at homebaking and crafts. Some people really do have great abs. Some people really like to have great hair and makeup and make time for this in their everyday routine. What it shouldn’t mean is that they aren’t ‘real’ mothers.

Like I have said, we all have strengths and weaknesses and as such, we prioritise things like that for ourselves. A priority for me is a clean and tidy home. I love cooking from scratch too as for me, that is a priority. Crafts in particular (and good abs) 😉 is less of a priority for me right now because basically, I’m rubbish at them! But I don’t think badly of those women who do have those things as a priority / those sills.

imagesI have friends with all ranges of skills and I see blogging pals with a huge range of skills too. Some have perfectly cooked meals and have their kids eating kale and quinoa. Other friends I see making homemade soaps and candles, others are just hilarious and fabulous people to be around. One friend of mine in particular always looks amazing and has the best style. They’re all mums and it doesn’t mean that they are less of a mum because it is different to the thing that I’m good at. I can organise and clean like nobody’s business but ask me to make a homemade birthday card and you’ll think my one year old did it, blindfolded!

We’re all doing the best that we can, excelling (and equally being really rubbish) at a variety of things. We all have good things in our life and struggles in our life. Just because those kinds of things can’t be caught on camera, doesn’t mean they’re not there. We’re all good mums!
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Rebecca x

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*all meme images taken from Pinterest.

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  • I read recently “remember who you are and what you are good at, what can you give to someone else?” Its hard sometimes to remember that whilst someone is good in one area we are in another. We often compare our weakness with another’s strengths! Thanks for the reminder x

  • Great post! I think the problem with comparison on social media is that most people post what they’re doing well at (naturally) so if you start to compare yourself to your very clean friend and your very crafty friend and your chef friend you’re going to feel miserable. The challenge is that social media makes it so easy to do. #brilliantblogposts

  • Definitely, we all have our strong points! Mom’s should go with what they enjoy and not worry about what others think. Great post! #brillblogposts

  • Good post and very true! 😉 I’ve noticed a fair few posts recently demonizing women for having perfect pictures up on social media sites! It seems a bit petty to me, I don’t know many people who purposefully put unflattering photos up of themselves, their homes, etc except occasionally for a bit of fun.
    I’m a cook (my job) and I do cook the large amount of our meals from scratch, I love sharing recipes and I’m passionate about food, but my house is a tip! 😀 Like you say we all have our talents/strengths and there’s nothing wrong with ‘showing off’ a bit (fair dues if people are smug gits about it!). Instead of comparing ourselves to others all the time we should celebrate our own talents, enjoy our families and share our enthusiasm for those things.


  • This is the best post I have read all week ! I love a tidy home and am quite OCD about it as well BUT I have 4 children (7 months, 22 months, 6 and 8) – cleaning and tidying with children around is like eating oreos whilst brushing your teeth= completely pointless #brilliantblogposts

  • A messy home stresses me out but I just don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything I need to do this does end up falling short. Would love to tidy and pay more attention to detail

  • Interesting post! I assume that social media and quite often blog photos and posts show an edited, best dressed version of life. That’s certainly how it is for me anyway! I love crafts and whilst I love a tidy house it doesn’t often happen.

  • This is a great post! Every mother is different. My house isn’t spotless, it’s tidy but obviously messy sometimes but with toys or if the girls have decided to throw their plates or bottles/cups but they will always be kept away before we go to bed.

    Beth |

  • It’s selective sharing, I do it too, not to deceive but because it makes me happier to move the mess to one corner and shoot the tidy bit of my house! Ha. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts x

  • Couldn’t agree more, I am not sure why there seems to be all this negativity about other parents, we are all doing the best job we can in the best way we can. The only thing that would be boring is if we were all exactly the same!

  • Fab post hun, we all have our priorities. I’m so fed up of all the ‘shaming one person to make another feel better’, it happens constantly. With our weight, our homes, our skills, our preferences x

  • The title of this post pulled me in! I thought to myself “well if it does, yay me!”

    It is impossible (for me) to keep my house tidy, I have one active six year old and I refuse to follow him around the house tidying up after him. I hate household chores although if I’m having visitors I will tidy up a little bit. 🙂

    Great post. xx

  • This is a great post Becky! I think I must think differently to a lot of women because I’ve heard a few bits about this ‘fake’ facade recently. I honestly never feel down or inferior when seeing other peoples’ talents. I feel happy for them and it makes me feel inspired. I love seeing beautiful pictures of anything – homes, crafts, food, nature, outfits, cute kids, interiors…I love it all and I don’t care whether it’s staged or not. It’s still beautiful and it doesn’t make me feel any less of a person or a mother. I do however find reading a blog that displays a ‘too perfect’ life a huge turn off. Parenting is hard and not every moment is rosy. I agree with seeing the positive but it’s possible to be a realist as well as an optimist…otherwise it’s not down to earth xx

  • I’ve just been thinking about this again…Lol. Styled is very different to staged! I don’t mind styled photos, but I do mind staged ones…or I’ve even heard of people pretending they’re doing something when they’re not! That is when you know the internet is taking over your life! x

    • Pretending to so things that you aren’t is a bit crazy isn’t it?! I agree I don’t mind styled photos (I wish I was better at styling my pics) but yes, staged is a bit cringe. I agree with your other comment though that when I see fab things or people with amazing skills it inspires me and gives me ideas x

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