“It’s Basically the Same Thing”

This is one phrase that really grates on me: It’s basically the same thing.

No. No it’s not.

I have seen on parenting Facebook pages about couples having twins, for example, and I see comments below saying things like: “Well, I had an 18 month old and then another so I know how they feel. Its basically the same thing”.

But it’s not though is it?

I’ve never had multiples but I have had a toddler and a baby at the same time and they completely different. Doing different things, different developmental stages and stages of independence. Toddlers are no where near as needy as a new-born so how people can compare a situation like this to a situation like having multiples I will never know.

A different example:

Lady 1 – “So what do you do”?

Lady 2  – “I’m a doctor (or nurse / teacher / therapist / insert other profession)”

Lady 1 – “I’m a mum, so it’s basically the same thing”.

But it’s not though, is it?

Now, I am a mum, stay-at-home mum at that, so I’m not knocking how hard we mothers work or how busy life is. Raising children in the home is such an important role for our families and society but it’s not the same as being a nurse or therapist or doctor. I’m not a nurse just because I look after my kids when they’re ill. I have no knowledge or training in this sector (just some good old google-ing in most instances) so I’m sorry, but it is not the same. Likewise I am not a chef, just because I cook dinner every day. If only it was that simple to get qualified in something!

I have a friend who is a nurse and a mother and this particularly grates on her. I know she thinks that it almost downplays how hard the training is be a nurse and the time and commitment that she took to qualify. It’s not the same.

I love motherhood and being a parent. We do a lot of things and have to do a variety of different things each day, quite often fitting in paid work too. I just feel though, that if there was a profession that required you to work constantly, never get time off, completely exhausted you but gave you so much indescribable joy, then yes, that probably would be the same thing 😉


Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

Rebecca x

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  • Agree! If you want to truly experience things you have to take each moment as not the same thing. A merlot and Pinot are not basically the same. My mothering is not the same as anyone else’s and it is the differences that make us all special (and I am certainly no nurse!) Empathy is not comparing, it is getting into that person’s shoes. This drives me crazy too. It is such a flippant disregard for what people are saying because people don’t want to feel empathetic and would rather turn the conversation back to themselves. Seriously feel like a good rant right now… Or, did I just do that?

  • I really don’t get why people try to compare different professions/lifestyles and try and say they’re the same. They’re really not and why should they be – it just takes an element of your individuality away if you go around trying to make out that you are going the same as other people! X

  • Human nature is an odd thing. We talk about celebrating diversity, and then we try to make everything the same or we worry that little Johnny is slightly different to his mates. I understand similarity implies familiarity and that by trying to say things are the same it implies a degree of rapport, but I prefer to say, “Okay, so what’s it like being you?” and understanding both the similarities and the differences between people. It’s acknowledging that other people aren’t the same as us that helps us understand the world better, after all.