Becoming a parent is a wonderful thing. Like legit, it is.
I knew to expect certain things.
The unconditional love that you would have for this little tiny baby. The neurotic worrier that thinks the sky is falling as soon as your baby coughs. The responsibility that comes with a new baby as well as the feeling of being complete and that you have another purpose in life.
These are all the lovey-dovely rose scented things. They will happen when you become a parent. Of course they will.
There are a number of things that I certainly was not expecting when I became a parent. I’d see all these memes on Facebook that parents would share. I was just like, things like that don’t actually happen, do they? They certainly wouldn’t with my children of course.
Of course, I was wrong.
So you’re having a phone conversation. Or any conversation for that matter (you just sound crazier if its on the phone and the other person can’t see you). You’re chatting away but every other word is ‘stop’, ‘no thank you’ or yelling your child’s name. You can’t help it. No matter how you try to explain to the little darlings that you just need to talk to the neighbour for 5 minutes or their nursery teacher. Parent Tourettes strikes regularly.
Phone calls need to be reserved for nap time or evenings when they’re in bed.
Of course I thought that this one would never happen. I mean, its the bathroom. Gross.
But if you want to pee in peace (and by peace, I just mean silence), they probably will need to be in there with you. You try and close that door behind them and all hell breaks loose.
To be fair, I can’t really complain anymore. I now have a four year old and a nearly two year old and they are great at sleeping. It wasn’t always that though. The nodding off in the middle of the day. Sacrificing a shower for a nap. Yep, all happened. I also found it happened before the baby even arrived when I was pregnant too. Instead of the rhyme ‘cats sleep anywhere, any table any chair’, the word cat could easily be replaced with parent or pregnant lady.
When you become a parent, you start to see why sleep deprivation has been used as a method of torture in the past.
You Will Lie
They’re only innocent ones though, right?
‘Father Christmas won’t visit if you don’t tidy away your toys’
‘The tune on the ice cream van means they’re sold out of ice cream’
‘Those sweets are made with poison’
You know, the usual.
Conversations about Nappies (& Their Contents)
These legit become a thing. Never before would you have spoken to anyone about what came out of someone’s bowels, but when you become a parent, you’ll tell anyone that will listen. Your mum, a friend, the randomer at the soft play, lady at the supermarket checkout. True.
It might be just in a concerned way, ‘he’s teething so they’re always worse’. But still, why is this happening? And why am I listening to it as well?
Again, this seems to be a major problem when you’re in the thick of under 6 months old life. But, when you become a parent, you realise why mummy bear’s porridge was the cold one!
What things have happened to you since becoming a parent, that you never thought would?